Thursday, September 29, 2005

Some Good Things Never Last...

Others Don't Even Start, the ironies in life.

It was like me walking again in a familiar warp zone. It was like reminiscing the pain and coldness of having an empty feeling. Only this time I was just listening, it wasn’t me but still you can empathize with the pain. You want to say you understand cos you’ve been through that and hell. And that moving on is a sweet revenge in the process. But who would I kid here? Mine is a ratio of 0.00001 to 1 of what they went through in matters of the heart. The fact that I love both of them very much that I cannot choose sides is hard.

This is one of the moments when I can only wish that I hope I didn’t grow up. I miss the days when I don’t have to worry about anything as grave as this, when all I could worry about is what game to play after taking a nap or what TV show to watch. Gone are the days when you can get away with anything, our parents guaranteed a safe life… free from pain & sufferings. I remembered when my Mom is really mad at people who cause us anxiety she would always mouth the words that she didn’t raise me my sister & brother so that people can make our hearts bleed. When we grew up we long for the security that our parents gave us thus making us enter relationships that we thought would shelter us from harm. It was not in the plan that our hearts will be broken in the process. Lucky for those who did not went through trials like this but for the likes of me & my friend we can only wish for the end of things. Although I am a firm believer of happy endings I can’t stop thinking that it only happen to a good little part of the whole population, will we be counted on that race? The inevitable is yet to happen.

Having a good cry releases a small part of the pain. But hearing one person cry to you over the phone is breaking my heart in two. I can’t go on listening to women weeping cos I know how it feels. If I can only do something about this thing happening to you my friend (you know who you are) you know I would do it without a doubt, anything in my power that’s how important you are to me cos you are one of my bestest friend. But the truth is that I am just as helpless as you are. Who am I to fix your love life when mine lays in shambles as well?

I want to be a little girl again, I want to just climb trees, sway on swings, run non-stop until my feet hurts and stop only when I scrape off my knees. Or since I am now a grown up, I wish I could fly – away from this complicated and cruel world we live in. The saddest part of life is that there is no escaping this reality that what we sow we shall reap. But my mind is telling me that sometimes bad things happen to good people, anyone who would care to explain why? I don’t know which to believe anymore – that there is a rainbow after the rain or that this life is made up of unending obstacles to make one miserable.

And now all I could do is double, triple and even multiply my sigh.

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