Change

Stressed with 3 letter “s” is an understatement.  If not for the correct spelling that should be followed, my spelling would have at least 10 letter “s” in it.  I was way beyond stressed last month but I am thankful that little by little, with a few and very minute bumps here and there -- my life is pushing towards the right track.

I cannot say pass to the important things, events and situation that comes my way.  Nor could I gladly ask to lose one turn when chaos, challenges and shortcomings strike.  Growing up means facing the music, you have a choice to either follow the usual steps or create your own.  The former may mean playing it safe and the later, taking some risk.  Either way you have nothing to lose, you tried and if you don’t succeed there is still time to do it again.

Next week, another year would add to my existence.  2012 has been so nice to me.  I am blessed, loved and I’m grateful.  I may have some ups and downs with work and family but I couldn’t ask for more and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I always believe that we reap what we sow and that we would always have the best of everything we deserve.

While chatting with friend J over the weekend, maturity and growing up factor in life kept me pondering.  What happened to our childhood?  What happened to all of us in our teens?  Did it affect how we see the world today?  I didn’t find the answers until last night while doing the usual bending & stretching in our Bikram class, my favourite Yogi was the one teaching the class.  While doing the Savasana (corpse pose) he said “Embrace change and if you have a choice, move on”.  Makes sense.  Things are different now that we are older.  Nothing is easy now.  You have to work hard to get something, unlike when we were young where we were given pretty much everything we need.  These things are major changes and we cannot escape them.  What we can only do is to accept it, deal with it, or in Gino’s (the Yogi) terms – embrace it.  Generally, change is good.  It’s an improvement if you’ll see it in a positive way.  If the change is not for the better, we have to find a solution.  We have to deal with it and if all efforts were made (failed or those successful), we have to move on.  Not to forget about it but to learn from it.

In this world full of imperfections, we can always do something to make it better.  Not perfect, just better.

Midweek boys & girls.  Enjoy the rest of the week.  Keep safe & God bless everyone.

And Happy Birthday to my Kuya!

Lifehouse 2.0, M & Today

When I watched Lifehouse in 2008 I was with my bestfriends, this time is more special because W, the number 1 fan of the band would be able to watch them.  My day would be packed tomorrow but I'm excited...for a million different things.

I just love this week that passed, this weekend, everything about it.

My friend M rose from a long FB pause.  Well it's not that FB is a priority but he completely spaced out for a while.  I'm just happy he loves his independence now, loves life in general.  Apir dear!

I should work now, time will be in a haste today I know.  Rhei and I will paint Makati pink (for kikay).

Happy weekend boys & girls!  God bless us all!

***JOEY***

It's not fair leaving us early, we're older than you are.

I wrote this about you in 2005. You will be missed dude, say hi to my Uncle Steph for me.

******
JOEY
******
I call Joey as the Julio ng buhay ko, yep Julio at Julia kambal ng tadhana. I dunno why this fellow seems to know a lot about me. I am so transparent in his eyes that he can see through me. There was this one instance before that he seems to understand me more than my girl friends. And just recently, he told Gabs that he thinks I like this one guy cos my eyes were different when I look at the guy. Grabe, I am so buking in front of Joey, kaya friend here’s to you – you deserve a shout out. Thanks for waiting with me last Friday, you don’t talk much but it was fun hanging out with you & babe watching is cool I guess, hehehe ginawa mo talaga akong lesbo. Natutuwa talaga ako sayo.

Reflection

I was about to just account the details of my Vancouver trip, the usual, it was for business and I was there to do a job. I wasn’t able to even have a decent tour because it rained most afternoons and if it doesn’t I was inside the conference hall doing my work. It was my first “more than 5 hours” trip, a major travel if you know what I mean. It was in North America for crying out loud. I was decided to tell the trip in the same manner that I do all the time until something changed my mind.

On the flight going home I watched We Bought A Zoo, it was on the plane’s entertainment channel. I was crying the whole time mid end of the movie to the tune of Sigur Ros’ Hoppipolla. I was crying to Matt Damon. I don’t know why at first. It could be because I was touched by the story, I miss my family, I miss my husband.

I tried not to be too emotional then it struck me, how often do we have those 20 seconds of embarrassment to have the courage flow? How often do we let ourselves go out there, make a crazy adventure, say something stupid and just act foolish? Honestly the answer, well my answer is zero. I always had it calculated. I always have a plan, not just A but up to Z.

Most of us didn’t have our normal emotional childhood, this is not about our literal childhood but the normal stages we have to go through to have the emotional adulthood. It is not being immature but something to do with emotional preparedness. We often deny ourselves of some random act of rolling with the punches, we always make sure that we thought about things and before we even commit an act we already know what the aftermath is. I often would question the word “aftermath” in these situation since they didn’t happen after but before.

I may not make any point (as always) here but what I want to happen is for me to give in to things that are not heavily thought of. That I should give to a little foolishness once in a while to see what would the real aftermath be.

So what I’m basically telling myself here is to let loose, what’s bound to happen will happen and as Matt Damon said in the movie, when you fall in love, real hard it is once in a life time. When you feel something strong towards something – be it for your career, your plan for the day or even what your heart is telling you to tweet about and write in your blog, GO FOR IT!

I like my job but I don’t see myself retiring to it. I have ups & down here and there with regards to it but I get by. But after crying a lot because of it I have decided to do it as long as I’m okay and the minute I’m not I will walk out. If I was asked yesterday if this is a possibility I’ll say no because I still have a lot of responsibility and I cannot lose this job yet but hell, I will find a new one. It may not be something as high paying but it’ll be something I love and loves me back.

I want to have a massage when I arrive in Manila, I’ll go I will not feel guilty about it anymore (this is a different story reserved for later). And if I want to tweet that you, yes you, are a fool not to talk to me, your one true friend who cares for you and actually loves you then I will (or maybe I already did).

We live in a world of uncertainties, I could be dead in a few days or while aboard this plane (knock on wood), we’ll never know. So it is okay to loosen up, let down some guard, remove the tight hair bun and let the wind blew it. It’s okay to cry, be depressed but at least talk to a friend. It is okay to be a cynic but don’t make it a living. It is okay to cry, it is okay to laugh, it is okay to let go. It is okay to open up, hit the ground but get up. It is okay to be disappointed, but don’t give up. It is okay to rely on someone, it won’t make you less of a independent person that you already are. It is okay to be turned down, you can try the second up to gazillionth time. It is okay to fail, the world won’t end because of it. There’s a time and place for everything.

My hubby and I would talk about it most of the time, how we’re not in a rush to start a family but it would be a bonus if we get one early on our marriage. How every period feels like a miscarriage but we console ourselves with the fact that the big guy up there still would want us to go to Europe first and have fun. We talked about how I really miss my best friends. He said absence makes the heart grow fonder and because I love them I let them use their wings to fly. We talked about me being a control freak. And it make sense, it took Matt Damon to make me remove my bun and helmet in the form of denial.

Today as I write this on the very flight that would bring me back to reality I made a decision, that upon ground arrival I will be the coolest version of me. I will let loose, I will let go, I will love more and I will live my life because a great man gave up his for me – for all of us. He took my cross from me so there is no reason to feel a heavy load.

Today, I will not feel guilty or be thrifty with the way I live. Today I will be happy no matter what. I will be more accepting, more understanding, more forgiving.

This is the day I am reborn.

Make this holy week holiday a time for reflection. Rest, lift it up to God and free your mind.

Rainy Days and Fridays

I woke up feeling fine, kissed the hubby bye bye, drove to the office with breeze & positivity. Arrived in the office, thought of brewing a pot of coffee which I don’t do often. It’ll be instant coffee if I’m in a hurry but since I’m feeling good I decided to brew a pot but then I realized my boss (another coffee drinker) is not coming in. I don’t want to drown in brewed coffee the whole day.

I’m still feeling good. Answered all the emails I received from last night. After 30 minutes and since it’s still early I logged on to the social networking sites. Everyone is happy as well, it’s Friday who would not be – almost the weekend – hooray!

And then it struck me how I hate Fridays lately. I miss going out. It’s not about being married that hinders me from going out, or is it?

To make myself clear (I don’t want to sound whiny so I want to explain this) I can go out as much as I want and my husband wouldn’t stop me if it’s what makes me happy. He would happily obliged to accompany me as I hang out with friends if I want to. Or if he’s not in town, I just informed him that I’m going out and it’s okay. You see I’m blessed with an open minded husband, even when we were still boyfriends-girlfriends he didn’t attempt to stop me from seeing my friends or stay out late once in a while, because he knows what I’m up to, who I’m with and everything else that comes with it.

So what’s my problem? It’s the fact that the friends I usually hang out with are nowhere to be found. Out of the country, busy doing single ladies things, or maybe just don’t want to spend time with me. I understand 1 & 2 but the third I cannot. I am not saying that I am the most fun to be with friend, in fact I’m not. I’m boring and I only do old lady things like read, watch movies or talk over a cup of coffee. I know I am not the person you go to when you want to have fun but I know I can be the person you want to talk to when there’s something bothering you or you have nothing important to do (okay the last one hurts a little, it’s like I’m the last choice friend but I can live with that).

With all these yakety yak and without any point trying to prove, I just want not to hate Fridays, that’s all. I just want it to be normal. It may not be my favorite day because all I want for it to do is to end. I know it all depends on me but it still makes me sad.

Yes Rainy Days & Fridays makes me sad. The End.

Love this song... Gavin is back, and this is for you. Yes you. I won't talk to you so take your time. Maybe you're still singing this song. I don't know, I don't assume but I just want you to know I miss my friend.

Happy weekend!

Dreams, that's where I have to go
to see your beautiful face anymore
I stare at a picture of you and listen to the radio
Hope, hope there's a conversation
we both admit we had it good but
until then it's alienation, I know, that much is understood
And I realize

CHORUS:
If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what they say, I'm not over you
Not over you

Damn, damn girl you do it well
And I thought you were innocent
You took this heart and put it through hell
But still you're magnificent
I I'm a boomerang doesn't matter how you throw me
Turn around and I'm back in the game
Even better than the old me
But I'm not even close without you

CHORUS:
If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth.
No matter what I say, I'm not over you

BRIDGE:
And if I had the chance to renew
You know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
I could get back on the right track
But only if you'd be convinced
So until then

CHORUS:
If you ask me how I'm doin I would say I'm doin just fine
I would lie and say that you're not on my mind
But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two
and finally I'm forced to face the truth
No matter what I say, I'm not over you
Not over you
Not over you
Not over you

Robin thoughts on a Thursday

I am supposed to be working, I got tons of backlog and I need to be back on track. You see I got married (hahaha ibroadcast ba) and I was away on honeymoon that I haven’t had the chance to greet everyone on the blogosphere a Happy New Year. There I greeted everyone in time for the Chinese New Year.

Going back as to why I disrupted my Oh So Busy life is because I am too bothered with what I was able to glimpse on. Yes glimpse on because I wasn’t able to read the full story. I just took a quick read on the article regarding HIMYM. I am way too behind the current series. I don’t want to jump into conclusion but I am so concerned as to who is the Mom. It took me a long time to accept what I have read some time ago from Carter Bays that it is definitely not Robin. I am rooting for Robin. I want it to be Robin and for my sanity it got to be Robin.

But life must go on, the very reason why I’m writing this. I just have to let it out. I miss the gang. Will download more of the episodes soon and will have a marathon this weekend.

PS: I miss you my blog.

De-Stressing

Ways on How To Deal with the Burdens of Life
Key on how to handle stress:

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.

I posted the enumerated items below on this very blog 6 (27 July 2005) years ago. Before I have posted side comments on how I feel on each item and I can’t help but smile because I sounded so immature, you can click here to reminisce. This time I am posting it again without any side & snide comments. The other part of me is very happy, I am blessed and loved but the half part of me is sad for things I cannot comprehend. Don’t take it the wrong way, this has nothing to do with my upcoming wedding, it’ll be the highlight of my adult life, to be one with my “the one”. What I’m feeling is something that adults can’t and will not be able to understand and resolve, it is the pains of growing up. Read on, think, ponder but don’t dwell on it too much. Unload your burdens, let’s stay honest and keep the love alive. Happy Thursday folks!

1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3. Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
5. Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
6. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. [anne: hear hear]
7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. Never buy a car you can't push.
10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
11. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
12. Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
13. The second mouse gets the cheese.
14. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
15. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
16. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
17. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
18. Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
19. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to live in the same box.
20. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
21. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

11.11.11

38 more days and we still don’t have the dresses. Not that I am nervous because I have complete faith in my cousin Ate Daisy, I love her to death :) (okay I admit I’m a little stressed out) it’s just that I wanted to finalize all the details, dresses included so that I can relax. I just hope that the dresses of the bridesmaids will arrive next week for the first fitting.

The shoes? Well my supplier (will divulge the name soon after the delivery so as not to compromise the quality of the shoes) is again asking for more time. Well I am a good client, I can bend backward even sideways if you want but enough is enough. I cannot take any more extensions. Nov 19 I’ll go marching to the shop and will get all the shoes. All 10 pairs of them!

I am writing this while waiting for my bus ride to Bicol. W’s maternal grandmother passed away. And to show my love and support I’ll visit the family this weekend. It is sad for our family as well because my Lolo Roming died too, a day after W’s Mama Alice joined the Lord. Death in both our families a month before our wedding. Sad but life goes on.

Today is 11.11.11, a great day to get married as advised by numerologist. I was wondering earlier today why W & didn’t consider this date to tie the knot. I guess because this date is not that special to us. But to those getting married today, CONGRATULATIONS!

They said this date is like a door, it is open for opportunities and ready for closure. We all have a secret wish, pray hard for it today. We all have baggage, release yourself from the straps.

Boys & girls, it’s Friday (I can hear myself saying this line to the tune of Rebecca Black’s song hehehe) have fun, enjoy, keep safe and make a wish!