Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Letters From Ben to Carrie & Carrie to Ben

Intoduction: Let's envade 2 people's privacy & read what is on their minds through the emails they sent one another. Worth sharing, few lines are really mushy, explanations makes no sense, on times deliriously hilarious....for those whose hearts were touched just holler.

I know you've heard that compliment all your life, but i'm quite sure this is the first time you had it in lousy Italian. :)
Sensya na ngayon lang ko reply. attend ako seminar. boring nga halos tinulugan ko lang...
Chances are, I'd already be in London by the time you get to Italy. And probably you'd still have that Youngblood book from L. Can we meet halfway, so I could get that book? Paris perhaps? hehehe.
Being your Ben is one of the most wonderful things that could ever happen to a guy. I'm just trying not to overreact. hehe. Sensya na kung masyado ako mausisa tungkol dito. I'm just searching for reasons why you made that choice. Di ko lang matanggap, napakaimposible. If I were you, I would'nt pick me! Anyway, salamat! Kung sinabi mo to noon, baka 1 month akong tulala. hahaha!
Alam mo, madami ding guys who consider you as their "Ben", without them knowing it, of course. Ano pakiramdam? :)
Re love... kahit na ubusin natin panahon natin kakaisip tungkol dito, in the end we would realize that love is meant to be felt, not analyzed. And i'm pretty sure (you're pretty, I'm sure :) that deep in your heart you believe this too.
(some lines deleted), ipinaubaya ko na ang bayan natin kay da king. :) ikaw, sino binoto mo?
napanood mo ba yung video kay Berg, yung sa Iraq? Grabe. Kawawa naman sya. Di para sa mahina sikmura.
(deleted lines)
Bout the book, nagbago na isip ko, I might get lost in Paris e, kunin ko na lang sayo. :) Pero kung mas convenient sayo na ibigay na lang kay L2, ikaw bahala. Parang hiya nga rin ako pakita sayo, mukha akong Iraqi insurgent. hehe.
Cge. I hope you'll have a fruitful week ahead.
Ingat din. :)

-----Original Message-----
From: Carrie [SMTP: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 11, 2004 9:43 AM
To: Ben
Subject: RE: Ben & Carrie

Let's start from the bottom: La Juana e' bella .... my :) thank you eventhough this is not what you really mean hehehe. Bella is the Italian for beautiful..bello for handsome. Also you don't have to use "La" article yun eh for "The". I'm trying to learn Italian kase one day someday I want to go to Florence :) hahaha aga ng preparation ko. Tried my luck with Quenya pero hirap ng Elvish language eh kaya Italian na lang muna, as if I can go to Rivendel or wherever Elves are.
Being Ben is not really all about love. Your Ben can be your Dad, as I have mentioned it doesn't mean na you're in good terms with this person, pwedeng kaaway mo or someone from TV. It's a wide array of possibilities but that person is indeed influential in your life. You can not tell me that you're not my Ben cos' you haven't been there with me all my life. It's my choice & I'll decide who my Ben at this moment should be. I'm not trying to complicate your oh so beautiful life, I'm just pointing out that I am thankful for your existence in my life cos' I was able to realized a lot of things, end of story for you & my own story to continue, gets? I can say our treatment of thinking about life & love for that matter is totally the opposite. While you linger on your solitude to find peace & the so called "clarity" (which as you say will be all gone by the time you are sober) I find enlightenment when I discuss things with friends. Two heads are always better than one :), I have this core group that tackles life's special meaning (oy di to cult, just a bunch of friends which I call my support group). We disect things & it has always been fun cos' all our ideas varies talaga. I don't know I just enjoy being with them, talking, discussing, even arguing with them. Having them aroun is better than having a bf, yun nga lang not everybody thinks that way anymore, isa isa nang nagkaka Bf, we still hang out ngayon nga mas madami na cos' the bfs/gfs are kasama na but then when you're inlove minsan nabubulagan talaga...everything around you is flowery & magical kaya mas nagiging heated arguments namin... inlove vs. the miserable hehehe.
True love & one true love, speaks for itself...shouts the difference. All were designed by God, even the heartaches & pain & shame & gain & loss & grief...everything. And I am so sure that God knows what He is doing when He did all of those things to man. God will not allow someone to spend his /her life in misery, it's not God's way it is man's. Challenges are there to challenge, the same way that troubles are to there to cause trouble. Now it has never been in God's agenda to see people cry or feel bad but if it's for the greater good then He let it happen. It happens & those involve should do something about it, actually the solution is just there God just want people to open their eyes & to listen to their hearts more.
Whatever, this is so mushy ek ek, not my real style. Anyway, bumoto ka ba? I hope you voted for the conscientious choice. Nga pala L was mentioning some Young blood books that she'll give back to you daw. Pano yun? Bigay ko na lang kay L2? The books weren't with me yet. I'll just let you know once they are. Have a great day!

----Original Message Follows----
From: "Ben" < @____.com>
To: "Carrie" <@hotmail.com>
Subject: RE: Ben & Carrie D
Date: Fri, 7 May 2004 19:57:11 +0800

just kidding. of course i know you wont bail out of a conversation that way. not your style. hehe. i was just too eager to know what ben theory is all about. though i havent visited that felicity site yet (problem with our internet server), i think you've adequately explained it to me.
i apologize for not replying sooner, i had to revert to my "emotional settings" from 4 years ago para i'd be able to fully understand what you wrote, and maybe contribute something meaningful...
hirap naman pala maging ben. sana naman kung ano man naidulot ko sayo, e mabuti naman. pero alam mo, have you ever tried na kontrahin sarili mo? i mean yung you totally ignore yung lahat ng thoughts bout 'Ben'. minsan kasi this has nothing to do with the person, nagkataon lang na sya yung nandun nung time na you're experiencing something that's important to you. hindi sya influential sa buong pagkatao mo, but just to a certain aspect of it na in turn e masyado malaki epekto sa buhay mo.
i was once like you, always thinking about "love". i became so engrossed with the idea that some people begin to say i'm weird. i guess its just normal for us, from time to time, to be "in love" not with any person in particular, but with the concept of love itself. i'm not saying that i dont give much damn about it (galing ba to sa kanta?) these days, its just that i spend less time being alone now. solitude breeds this kind of thoughts (we'll, solitude plus a bottle of beer and you'll have more of these thoughts. the more beer you drink, the more enlightened you seem to become. the problem is, all these insights vanish the moment you become sober :). sa case ko lang to ha, i'm not saying na baka ganun din sa case mo. baka awayin mo ko. takot ko lang. hehehe
the butanding analogy is quite true. but then its just an observation. hindi sya enough para masatisfy nya yung craving for an explanation of someone like you. i bet upon hearing it from your friend M, e yung pumasok agad sa isip mo is one big "WHY?". complicated nga to, attempt akong mag-explain sa susunod.
Re the two choices... sa number 1 ako. la lang, gusto ko lang mag-disagree para may argument. hehe joke lang. yung view ko kasi is that true love is a gift from God. ala ng ibang source. and kung what you mean by 'true love' here is embodied in a certain person, pano na yung mga mabubuting tao na yung true love nila e pumanaw na? i dont think God would be so cruel to let them experience it for some time and then let them spend the rest of their life in misery.
o cge, sa susunod uli. mahirap magpaliwanag e. kung sayo intellectually stimulating lang to, sa kin pahirapan na. hehehe.
La (deleted) e' bella (_____is full of life). tama ba? di ko alam to e. italian ba to? hahaha

-----Original Message-----
From: Carrie [SMTP: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2004 1:09 PM
To: Ben S
Subject: Ben & Carrie

BEN THEORY Gist on the show Felicity: Felicity & Ben are classmates way back in HS & sobrang like ni F si B as in… Then nung malapit na graduation, F asked B to write something on her yearbook. So here's the link for the info on what the story really is: http://www.felicitypage.com/episode1.html
Ok? Then yung story it evolves around F nung college na sya, ups & downs of life & B is always there kaya naform yung thinking na in your life as a person, you always have that somebody that occupies a space in you (not just heart not just mind - you) & have helped you be what you are now. It doesn‘t necessarily mean na you' re in good terms with this person, close kayo or what but then influential sya sa buhay mo. You were asking if it' s true love, well in my opinion not really. You have something special for this person, you' re not sure if it' s love, true love, plain love but then he/she's important. Pretty complicated & unexplainable basta in your life you have a Ben, the person you do outrageous things for - alam man nya o hindi. The person that affects you the most -happiness man or wrath nafefeel mo towards this person. I'm not really making any sense but I guess I pointed out the things I wanted to tell. Basta yun yun. :) This is how the term "I have my Ben too" came into existence.

SEX and the CITY How many true love can one have in their life
ANSWERS: 1. at least one (I guess you're lucky) & 2. one IF YOU'RE LUCKY

My vote is for #2, not because I'm a pessimistic bitch but because it's how I view “love”. Sabi ni M, the friend of mine who went with me sa B, love daw is like a butanding... when you look for it iwas ng iwas ayaw pakita at ang ilap but then pag pagod ka na kakahabol & you've finally given up dadating & ididisplay sarili nya sayo. I'm not sure if it’s just to spite you or inspire you. Complicated, well life is so full of complications. Eto muna for now, I am still collecting my weird ideas & iprepresent ko sayo don't worry. Ganito ako, I make the mababaw stuffs seems so intellectually stimulating hehehe yung tipong kailang ng research & study talaga. La vita e' bella (life is beautiful) - you are loved always :)

Antipoem of a Life in Progress

I’m afraid the author of this poem will sue me of using his work without permission but then let me say my piece, I do not intend to insult or use your work in a negative manner I am infact giving this good poem justice. This is so nice & is worth publishing. You know who you are & you know I admire your work.


this is not a poem but a grain of sand
crushed underneath you.
because you are a poem,
a poem that spirals like the inside of a seashell
the soft ocean murmur
echoing in your chambers of pearl.
while on the shore,
i am lost. searching for you.

this is not a poem
but a puddle that unmirrors you.
because you are a poem,
a poem taking the form of a storm
pelting the earth with silver slivers of sorrow
while beneath you,
i shiver with the sadness of a lost boy.

this is not poetry
because you are poetry
and i could not capture
you with my
frail net of verses.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Another or your quote + Bicol

I know that you may find this absurd that I keep on publishing your quotes, wala lang I just find it shareable & though it is sometimes just icky mushy stuff post ko pa rin.

May 24, 2005
...I'm happy cos in the end I end up with the girl I really wanted, needed and love.

I have been to Bicol last weekend, wala lang nagpasakit lang ng katawan, I stayed on the road longer than at our house, grabe parusa byahe but it was worth it. An hour of chikahan with my folks is priceless. Even half an hour of kulitan with my nephew was worth every pagod, plus I had the chance to eat home cooked meals by my Ma, and the superb back rubs from my pamangkins whom with a P50 bribe, will massage you until you're zzz'ing. How I wish I could just stay at our home in the province with my parents forever.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Sleeping Beauty

Liv Tyler - Stealing Beauty Posted by Hello

Liv looks so serene & beautiful in the pic, reminds me of the conversation I had with Jonal yesterday. Anyway note that my title for this entry is Sleeping & not Stealing hehehe, I am currently hooked on a song that invites people to fall asleep.

I am including the lyrics of this Sugarfree song, the main thought evolves about sleep... I feel safe listening to this. I love it more than like & I hope you guys would like this too. I am thinking about clipping the sound to this page, for those who knows how to please let me know, thanks!

Tulog na mahal ko
Hayaan na muna natin ang mundong ito
Lika na, tulog na tayo.
Tulog na mahal ko
Wag kang lumuha, malambot ang iyong kama
Saka na mamroblema

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya, hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Kung matulog, matulog ka na...

Tulog na mahal ko
Nandito lang akong bahala sa iyo
Sige na, tulog na muna
Tulog na, mahal ko
At baka bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas
At sabay nating harapin ang mundo

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya, hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Kung matulog, matulog ka na...

Monday, May 23, 2005

Quoting your quote

Posted by Hello Okay okay, I know the picture has nothing to do with the tittle & the content but wait a minute kala nyo lang yun hehehe.

I would like to put as an entry the lines that a special person quoted in various circumstances, perhaps he's in a moment where his emotions truly expresses what he really feels or maybe just maybe he found the one already, you know who you are & who she is... lots of luck to you & to her :-)

Dec 20, 2004
Being with you is like spending a sunny yet windy afternoon at the beach while writing on the sand or those days that I spend on a swing when I was a little kid.. or climbing trees, running barefoot in the fields or playing under a full moon. Oh those happy & unforgetable days! With you I'm a child again, I am so inlove with you.

to be continued... (hehehe tinamad na naman ako ;))

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Damn, I hate feeling like this...

Hell day, I hate feeling this way, arghhh I feel like punching somebody in the head. I know I should not feel this way it's just that things that are happening lately starts to grow on me. I should have followed Don's suggestion. Forget about it & trash everything. Oh well I don't know. But I'm wishing for the day.

2 things that pisses me off, a guy & a guy. #$%^^&&^&@#$$

Guy number one, sasabunutan ko talaga sya. I swear I will never gonna ask something from him ever again. I hate to sound like this but I have done countless of things to help him & now it was me who needs help, iwanan ka ba naman sa ere? Sabagay sanay sya.

Guy number two was one of my bestest friends before, I dunno what happened he just started ignoring me not that I'm KSP or anything he just stopped talking to me for no apparent reasons. Bakit? Ma & Pa. Hay guys, di ko kayo dapat pinoproblema it's just that you're ruining my day.

I'm sorry, this will be the last of it.

Sawasdee Kaa Bangkok, Thailand

Sawasdee Kaa Bangkok, Thailand

I was a little girl left alone in NAIA Terminal 1, not really little at least I felt little. I was there on my own…bravely overcoming fear of being left alone in a foreign place. My destination…Bangkok, Thailand.

Sawasdee Kaa (with a low nod). Thai people are really sweet when they say the phrase which means greetings in their native tongue.

I arrived at Bangkok International airport after 3 hours & 15 minutes, a coach from the conference welcomed me at the airport. Then we were on our way to the Menam Riverside Hotel. It is located outside the main city of Bangkok. It lies near the famous Chao Phraya River. The hotel, although old is beautiful and truly very Thai-ish. The people in Thailand are very sweet, polite & helpful especially with directions. I was able to see a few temples with all the various kinds of Buddha...standing, lying, kneeling, sitting etc. Buddha in all his glory and positions hehehe.

Bangkok’s skytrain is very much like our MRT except for the way people avail of the electronic card. Theirs is high tech. I went to Chatuchak weekend market with a new friend I met there, a Filipina who happens to be a director of an environmental NGO situated at Cagayan de Oro. We went to the other side of Bangkok in hot pursuit of an adventure and shopping. From Menam Riverside Hotel, Ate Au and I rode the hotel’s canal boat We stopped at Saphan Taksin, the very first skytrain station from where we reside. From Saphan Taksin we transferred to BTS2 where the central station for 1 & 2 is Siam. The last stop is where we took off, it is the Mo Chit station. From the train station, the Chatuchak Park is just 50 meters away. At the back of the park is the market. This is where the real adventure begins.

Lot ra kha dai mai? This is the term that I mastered hehehe. It simply means any discount? Hehehe. A few Thai appreciates it when you haggle. They like tourists asking them to lower their prices and they are very eager to give. When you shop in Thailand you have to forget about the convertion rate. And you’ll enjoy shopping from clothes to bags to shoes, trinkets, souvenirs and even dogs. Yes they sell puppies like bags there. Cute little pups were placed on the huge baskets. Dogs with all kind of breeds are all there ready for their new masters.

Thailand is very much dominated by tourists, in fact I think I have seen more foreigners than local people. And I have grandest dinner ever at Bangkok Oriental Hotel, it is not really about the food. It was the company, I dined out with my bosses and the posh people of Thailand were dining at the very same veranda we were dinning. The place was really something, it has a French Quarter which is exactly what it looked like from hundred of years ago. It was well maintained and since Thailand was never colonized the architecture was preserved.

And then I have to go home. I was so excited to go home. My four days in Bangkok seems like forever. Being in Thailand weather wise is really just like the hot Manila weather. In fact it is hotter out there and humid too. Bangkok was the second hottest place in the planet, second to Mecca. Their normal temp is 40 degrees Celsius. It was really hot outdoors Thailand that you would just want to curl up in your hotel than go around.

When I was leaving the country and arriving back I can’t help but remember the movie “Love Actually” where Hugh Grant’s character as the PM talks about airports and how it brings the feeling of love to everyone. I had a lot of time to spare while waiting for my flight to Bangkok. While sitting on the waiting lounge I missed my family. I thought that if I was really going away for good I would never ever spend my time waiting for the plane to arrive and board us. I would probably wait at the entrance of the airport with my family and will just board on the final call. And when I get back, I would probably run from the immigration to the exit. Hehehe. Oh well, that’s me.

And this is my boring Bangkok story. I will probably upload the airport pictures soon for I don’t have any pictures posing outside a temple or a tourist destination. What I have were pictures of the hotel, the airport and duty free, hehehe all without me.

Feel free to write your comments if you have. I will be writing about something worthwhile soon. The shout outs I mentioned will be uploaded soon. I promise :).

PS: Yes I will be writing about something worthwhile yes, it will be about love and life and my own share of the experience. I am not an expert on this field but letting you guys know what I went through and if I can share about this, and if you could share yours too will be a good waste of our time. Now here’s the teaser, anything less than extra ordinary is just a waste of my time, I don’t want to be 60 years old and married to the second best thinking about whatever happened to the one who got away. Oh well, talking about love is like dancing about architecture. Hahaha labo halo halo :).

Friday, May 13, 2005

Blessing no. 1

My Ma (in yellow floral blouse) and my Pa (in plaid polo) taken at our house last Christmas with my nephew JudePosted by Hello

I am so lucky to have up to now the 2 of the most wonderful persons to have existed in the face of this planet, this may sounds exaggerated but I'm serious. My parents, are the most loving and wonderful persons I have known (ofcourse I was born from them dummy hehehe). I am really blessed that my Ma, a full time house wife who have nurtured us with her charm, wittiness & perseverance, is also the best sales person I know, she could convince us & people she knows not to contradict her. A stage mother & lola, she's always with me... from school activities, to social events & college stuff too. And would you believe that on my first trip abroad she still want to go with me to the airport? She's in the province you know and as if I'm going to be stranded in some deserted land by myself... I said "Ma... I'll be away for four days only, are you kidding me?".

& my Pop, my real life hero, I do not get bored with the stories that my Pop narrates all the time. From war days to the days of poverty that he experienced when he was young. My Pop is a simple less complicated type of person, sooooooooooobrang bait to the nth power. I love you very much Pa, Ma.

And like what I always pray day in & night, please be healthy... I love you both.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Shout Outs

I just found out that my friend Myra visited this site... to you Canadian girl, my good friend and confidante... my warmest hello :)

I'll be writing about my Bangkok trip later today, it's not that grand but sharing it will be a lot of fun for me.

Who else should I mention here? Hmmm... my C2 friends... guys keep on posting on our e-group as Casper would say... POST POST POST!

Gabs, Saree, Zie, Edward & Joey, I'll see you all this Friday okay? Paging Chona, paging Chona!!!

BAD NEWS (to Zie most especially), the Pangasinan trip will no longer push through, Gene texted me yesterday, we have to think of an alternative plan for this.

Looks like a classified ad page right? Hehehe, I will write something untrashly later, sorry folks :)

Birthday Girl for May 10

Posted by Hello
I'm suppose to post this yeaterday, my bad... I was so caught up with work. Belated Happy Birthday Jenny!