Monday, February 27, 2006

Natural Born Loser

Shame on me, I spilled all the beans. What am I thinking? Writing all that stuff? OMG I am so stupid. Not that he reads my stuff cos I know he doesn’t – or incase he has the time it’s all erased now. Whew, for a moment I felt so doomed - was crazy and totally nuts last weekend. Enveloped by my occasional depression, I thought letting go & shouting it all out would make me feel better, it’s a good thing I woke up from the proverbial hallucinations I’m in.

Got nothing to do that I browsed through journals of other people – I would like to find out how miserable others are – hehehe my wickedness is floating through air. Found a couple of writers who I think have badly messed up their lives – they outdid mine actually. I should feel good and forget about whining but I can’t and I still feel wretched and unhappy. And there is this one who I can say was pretending. Like me I guess, she writes all too bubbly that it makes me want to gag. It's a good thing they were not my friends - ah the beauty of randomly picking blogs by clicking next. If only life could be like a blog - alright I don't like this life... NEXT?

I still feel so bad that I want to just sleep all day or melt the TV through my unblinking stare.

I want to knock my head on the wall – hard. Lend me a shovel so that I could dig my own grave, the sooner the better.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

My Prince

Wishing, praying and hoping for the prince to come.

Parent's Wish

How I love this one, click here to feel warm & fuzzy. I miss my 'rents soooo much!!! *sigh*

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Weekend Girl

I used to write something about anything on this page everyday then every other day but now I realized that I turned out to be a weekend blogger. There are actually a lot of ideas swarming in my brain but I guess I would like to believe I am busy at work that is why I don’t have the time to put the thoughts into writing.

And every Sundays when I feel bored watching reruns of anything I turn the laptop on and blabber about the first thing that comes to my mind.

And for today the topic is, tan tadadan!!!!... Princess Lulu.

I bought the complete episodes in DVD of this new Koreanovela. I saw the first epi on channel 2, got intrigued and there I lost control and made a point to pass by Arlegui when I went with my Mom on her regular check-up at UST. I am now 3 more discs away from the ending. Typical soap – boy meets girl love hate relationship then one is rich the other became poor from being filthy rich too then their families clash & there’s a super guy who happens to love the girl for so long thus he became the 3rd member of the love triangle. But it is funny and the kilig factor is always present. I like watching the Tagalized version too – Lulu’s voice is so soothing and she talks just like one of my friends. Kwela talaga.

I met up with my friend Dinercs last Friday. Thanks for the pasalubong dear. It has been more than a year since I last saw him and it was really great catching up with each other’s stories.

Mama went back to Bulan this afternoon, my house once again felt empty. I miss Ma a lot – no more home cooked meals until April. But I am excited cos she’ll be back with Pop and Jude-O.

And before I end this crap let me post Frou Frou’s words, it truly describes me on my post day dreaming status:

“Must be dreaming long, I don’t fall in love lawlessly, must be dreaming long, pinch me to waking”

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Bottled Feelings

A weekend full of feel good movies, the lovapalooza (no I was not there and believe me), the mood of people and the conversation I had with friends – LOVE is in the air.

I am typing this while watching Message in a Bottle for the nth time. I have just finished another film – The Locket. Last night it was Princess Diaries and Now That I Have You (yes with Bea & John Lloyd though I wasn’t able to finish it – too sleepy to do so) but I still couldn’t get enough, the LOVE thing doesn’t want to let go of me. It continued with the exchange of messages with my good friend Marco. Life and still things about love.

Why is it so easy in film and books? Why in real life it is always a tragedy? When I daydream I sometimes watch out for the pinch that would make me crawl back to reality. Still even though thinking about the good things in life I can’t help but think about the sad things that could happen. We have heard about all kinds of crap about taking the big risk – doing something about it so as not to regret anything in the end. But if things failed and you really regret about taking that big step, “it’s okay at least you have tried” won’t mend things. It won’t erase the pain and won’t put the shattered pieces back together. Yes you have learned something and that is not to make any of those risks before that you better shut your mouth or that it is best not to do something about anything – rules for the losers.

True we have choices but it’s all there for the show, we are still left without any choice. People would disagree I know cos these are just ramblings of a crazy bitter loser. It’s a mixture of controllable and uncontrollable circumstances (I borrowed the phrase from Marcoboy). The perfect blend of both should be achieved, now how do we do that? I don’t have a clue. Not a single one.

Life is sweet – yeah it is but where do I get the sugar?

I should have said yes to Marco’s crazy idea ;-) maybe going to the lovapalooza with him would have made a difference hehehe.

Advance happy vday to all.

Monday, February 06, 2006

TOP 5 for the Vday

In lieu of the coming Valentines Day I thought I’d give it a grand welcome by giving the approaching event a new twist, oh well that’s me… can’t help it I have to say something about the d-day. So let me start the countdown by sharing the TOP 5 SAD SONGS.

Yes my friends, top 5 and it all started with:

5. Separate Lives by Phil Collins
The song title would speak for itself, talk about walls and making it stronger. Telling the person “you have no right”. Excruciatingly painful (grabe na itoh!) segue-han natin ng line by Michael Bolton “How am I suppose to live without you?” sagot ni Phil “I guess we’ll go on living separate lives”.

4. I Can’t Make You Love Me by Bonnie R-something (lemme check first the web on the correct spelling of the last name, I like her version than George Michael’s)
Can’t force a person to love you, you really can’t. You can’t make your heart beat for someone, you simply can’t dahil sabi ni Julia Fordham “love moves in mysterious ways, always so surprising…”.

3. Pare Ko by the Eraserheads
Yes, ang theme song ng buhay ko. No need to elaborate, it is all too clear, this is my thoughts in Ely’s writing. Ako ang dakilang kaibigan, always one of the boys… nak nang lagi na lang oo.

2. Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins
Love was brought down in a landslide, bumulusok paibaba di na makabangon.

And lastly,
1. Heaven Knows by Orange and Lemons
Tsk tsk, “I should have clipped her wings” and “…angel has flown away from me”. No turning back, what’s done is done and regrets are always at the end.

I may sound bitter and all but Valentines will always be the hearts and lovers day. We may all shout “No To Commercialism” on Feb 14 but all of us would like to receive something - a little something sweet that would make us feel special.

Since I started with the Top 5 Sad Songs, here now are my top 5 cutie mushy cheesy to the max songs (I love all of them!!!).

5. Stickwitu by PCD
Yes I love the girls & it’s kinda new you – kailangang sabay sa uso since Valentines. When I was in HK I said to myself that by the time I get back home I will really really remove Ben2 from my system but hell this song was haunting me… urging me to stick stick stick, ang kulit ayan favorite ko na tuloy.

4. Because of You by Keith Martin
National Anthem ng mga inlove. Not everybody knows this song when I first heard it, it was like 2-3 years ago and there are only 2 radio stations that play it, Jam & Wave. I even told myself that I will sing this song to my husband to be on my wedding day ang kaso eto na – naalipusta na ang kanta. Meron na syang million versions. Although the song hasn’t lost its meaning naasar pa rin ako.

3. Say That You Don’t Care by Drop n Harmony
Ang nagpapahabol na song, but it’s cute. The line that goes “say that you don’t care and I’ll walk away, say you don’t give a damn and I won’t stay but if you really want me like I do girl you gotta show it, etc”

2. Lifetime by Maxwell
Isama na rin natin ang If I was the One by Ruff Endz, Missing You by Case, Rozwell‘s Only Wanna Be With You, Ginuwine’s Differences, Comfortable by John Mayer (o di ba di lang 5 tracks hehehe).

1. Inspired by ETC (di title to ito yung channel)… Next to You by Dan Siegel
It’s a cuddle song, yeah you just wanna hug the person you love when you hear it. Ahhh valentines, kahit no to commercialism, a teddy bear (or care bears) won’t hurt hehehe.

I was channel surfing earlier today (my favorite hobby) and then on STC they were playing old tracks, I was able to watch Vanessa William’s Save the Best for Last video. I soo love this song when I was in grade six. I had a crush then on my sort-of guy best friend. We we’re really close and he would always tell me things about this girl whom she really likes. The girl was a friend too pero syempre when you’re young you question things and happenings like why her why not me, yeah she’s pretty but I’m smarter. You tend to enumerate all the good things in you and all the bad things in your competition. Crazy as it was I used to think that in the end the best would happen – that he was just saving the best for last cos it was the line “how can you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me” that I really hold on to. Pero walang nagyari – I’m just really a friend material sabe nga cos as I grew up ganun pa rin. Not that I’m complaining cos I have the best guy friends ever and that being with them romantically would be like incest hehehe. Now my point, wala as always hehehe nah, I just would like to say that this valentines are not just for couples, it’s for friends too. Friendship day can be celebrated simultaneously with Valentines. Hallmark will contest this I know (aba di na kikita masyado ang greeting cards on different days) but we can make everyday valentines or xmas if we like (magastos ah). At the end of the day, papiliin ako kung boyfriend or friend syempre friends. I’ve been blessed with the best people that I can call friends. I am grateful and really fortunate. Kaya mga friends binabati ko na kayo ngayon pa lang, di ko na kayo itetext okay?

As for saving the best for last, that friend of mine is now happily married. At di dun sa crush nya noon (buti na lang hehehe).

Speaking of being married, my congratulations to Mai & Arnold!!! Wow can’t wait for the main event, I am so happy & excited for you Mai!!! You’ll be the most beautiful bride ever I’m sure. Love yah always.