Shame on me, I spilled all the beans. What am I thinking? Writing all that stuff? OMG I am so stupid. Not that he reads my stuff cos I know he doesn’t – or incase he has the time it’s all erased now. Whew, for a moment I felt so doomed - was crazy and totally nuts last weekend. Enveloped by my occasional depression, I thought letting go & shouting it all out would make me feel better, it’s a good thing I woke up from the proverbial hallucinations I’m in.
Got nothing to do that I browsed through journals of other people – I would like to find out how miserable others are – hehehe my wickedness is floating through air. Found a couple of writers who I think have badly messed up their lives – they outdid mine actually. I should feel good and forget about whining but I can’t and I still feel wretched and unhappy. And there is this one who I can say was pretending. Like me I guess, she writes all too bubbly that it makes me want to gag. It's a good thing they were not my friends - ah the beauty of randomly picking blogs by clicking next. If only life could be like a blog - alright I don't like this life... NEXT?
I still feel so bad that I want to just sleep all day or melt the TV through my unblinking stare.
I want to knock my head on the wall – hard. Lend me a shovel so that I could dig my own grave, the sooner the better.