Sunday, July 17, 2005


“Uy in-love!” sabi ni Gabs.

“I don’t think so, it’s too soon for that” sagot ko.

But at the back of my mind it has always been there it says, the feeling – that soft spot for that one special person. When he left, he didn’t take my feelings away with him. It was well hidden that even I wasn’t able to locate it. And when he sort of came back, apparently it was still there, it wasn’t even gone even for a split second. It was just there and that is what’s making me more confuse than ever.

Talking to him doesn’t even make sense. All I could do is just stare at him, inside my thoughts were ramblings of lost feelings & then found. I couldn’t even decipher what he’s talking about but at the end of the conversation it was amazing that I can recall every word he said, to the last period of each sentence. I dunno maybe it’s because of what Gabs said, we have a lot of things in common that I can see myself having the time of my life with him. I did figure out that this too shall pass like what we had before and that this is just a special bond of friendship that we share, the more I think about it the more I need to convince myself that it isn’t. I can just take a lot of care this time so I won’t be hurt the way I was the first time.

I have been contemplating so to speak that I have realized that no one have ever done something way out of the ordinary for me. Like singing to get my attention & impress me, or sell their prized possession a guitar maybe for dance lessons cos I dance and cos he wanted to be able to dance real well with me. Or chase me while I am walking away – a bunch of flowers at hand. Nobody as in zip has dome anything romantic for me. Call me a hopeless (romantic) lunatic but I guess a girl can dream. But then I was able to realize that a lot of people actually did pretty nice things to me. I may have never been appreciative of the small things, now I would like to take this opportunity to thank these people. I know they may never read this stuff but it feels real good to be able to express that I am truly grateful. To these people you know who you are guys, my sincerest appreciation.

To the one who always listen to my ramblings mula noon hanggang ngayon about how I truly messed my life as in, for being my shock absorber.

To the one who accompanied me on my several hospital trips, for laughing at me when I am so scared of my own blood. It made me feel better.

To the one who would patiently wait for me while I make my company rich thru my over time without pay.

To the one who offered to carry my things every time we meet up, for bringing me home especially when it’s very late, even when he doesn’t have his car with him… for calling and choosing which cab to ride.

To the one who is always available whenever I call or text, for bearing with all my boring stories, I know you think I’m just bored. No I am not, I really wanted to be with you.

To the one who chunked and clipped the crab, I had a nice time, my loss I didn’t gave you the chance to let me know you more.

To the one who liked me from day 1 of college – I broke your heart a lot of times already but I am still thankful that you are nice to me and that you are still there.

To my music buddy – thanks for the CDs. You’re my angel, I know you don’t realize that but you always have your way of making me feel better everytime I’m sad.

To the one who read poems to me on the phone, that’s truly romantic. You make my heart leap whenever you do that.

To the one who offered to bring me coffee when I was working late before, for waiting and accompanying me while I wait for a friend up to 2 am.

To the one who have so much confidence in me, for praying that I be happy soon.

To the one who never stopped loving me, from childhood up to now, I know you mean well, thank you for loving me I am sorry I can’t be that person for you.

For all the small details that really made a big difference in my life, you guys are amazing, I am sorry I never live up to your expectations. I am sorry I have hurt some of you. I just want you to know that I am truly grateful our paths have crossed.

I call Joey as the Julio ng buhay ko, yep Julio at Julia kambal ng tadhana. I dunno why this fellow seems to know a lot about me. I am so transparent in his eyes that he can see through me. There was this one instance before that he seems to understand me more than my girl friends. And just recently, he told Gabs that he thinks I like this one guy cos my eyes were different when I look at the guy. Grabe, I am so buking in front of Joey, kaya friend here’s to you – you deserve a shout out. Thanks for waiting with me last Friday, you don’t talk much but it was fun hanging out with you & babe watching is cool I guess, hehehe ginawa mo talaga akong lesbo. Natutuwa talaga ako sayo.

MUSIC et al
Call me lukaret but I have discovered another thing that we have in common, music… hehehe wala lang, I think this will add up to the things we can talk about. Looking forward to the next.

JOAN past present & future album – OUT SOON
I think I am now ready to make the CD of my life, an album that would tell how I have lived my life. Nobody would probably produce and finance it. I think I would have to bribe my best friend with something on my will – like I would make her the beneficiary of my insurance hehehe. I want the song “Train Wreck” to be included – cos I am a train wreck waiting to happen. Birthday in 2 months, I can’t decide what to do with my career and where my twenty something life is leading me to. I cannot even update my resume’. I am so much in a mess that even Rolly’s comforting words can’t do anything to it. Oh well, all I can just do now is wait for my Seth the angel of death. Argh I am a total klutz.

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